Monday, May 9, 2011

Is This Love Or Destiny?

Sixteen years ago, my uncle lets call him Ejike had found the gal of his dreams and wanted to marry her, lets call her Ugbo,  when Ugbo told her parents of Ejike's intentions, they were a upset because people from there place do not marry people from Ejike's place, even though they were Ibo's. After pleading with her parents they kinda agreed but not totally because the patriarch of the family (Ugbo's grandfather) had to approve of the impending union.
When it was brought to his attention of the said marriage proposal, Ugbo's grandpa through a fit, he cursed the day Ugbo was born and the day my uncle was born too as there love was seen as an atrocity in his eye. after much pleading he still did not agree, and so Ugbo was married off to some other guy that suited her grandfather. My uncle since moved from the village and went to live in another state, never forgetting his one true love. he later married another woman and lived his life quietly, unfortunately Ejike and his wife never had any children, and Ugbo had three kids with her husband.
Twelve years after Ejike and Ugbo had wanted to get married and were unsuccessful, they both divorced their spouses for different reasons, Ugbo decides to move her kids to the same state where Ejike lives in, not knowing he lived there. anyways to cut my long story short Ejike and Ugbo are now married and they both have two sons together.

Present Day........
I walking into my office building and a voice from the security desk greets me good morning, I turned to respond and there was a young man about 26yrs or so sitting and  smiling at me, I smiled back and said good morning to him and just kept walking.  as I have been feeling nauseous for quit some while now,our vending machine had been my new best friend since it has ginger ale in itwhile putting the money in the machine I heard the same voice from this morning saying hi to me and I turned to respond and it was the same young man at the security desk, so I said my hello and was getting ready to leave when he asks me if he could as me a question and I said sure, thinking to myself what could he possibly want to ask me?  This is how our conversation went
Him " am so sorry to bother you, just that am new here and am just trying to be familiar with the people that work here"
Me " oh sure no problem, how long have you been working here?"
Him " Oh I just started at the end last month"
Me " Oh ok, that's good, do you like it?"
Him " yeah I do, its really easy"
Me " That's good, sorry I have to go, it was nice meeting you"
Him "My name is Brandon"
Me " Oh am sorry my name is XYZ"
Him" Please do not get upset but I think you know my girlfriend"
Me looking puzzled " huh?"
Him " You are Nigerian right?"
Me "yes, how did you know?"
Him "My girlfriend is Nigerian, her name is ABC"
Me looking all crossed eyed " you must  be joking?"
Him "No am dead serious that my baby"
Me half laughing and half crying " oh am sorry I was just surprised, I didn't know she was dating anybody" and saying in my mind "talk more of dating a security guard"
Him " Oh no worries that's ok, no offence taken, when I told her I worked here she told me that one of her cousins worked here too and she gave me a description of you that was how I could tell you were Nigerian"
Me " How long have you guys been dating?"
Him "We have been together for about seven months now"
Me "wow, dats nice, sorry I have to go back to work, it was nice chatting with you, bye"
Him "bye, oh please do not tell her parents,"
Me "why would you think I would tell her parents"
Him " do not act like you do not know, they will never approve of me, more so you yourself were a bit surprised when I told you"
Me "It is not my place to tell her parents anything ABC is a grown woman, she can do that just by herself"
Him " Thank you, have a great day"
Me "you are welcome, bye"

And that ended my conversation with Brandon. I want back to my office and almost called my cousin, but decided that it was really not my place to judge who she is with, let me give you guys a little insight to my family. my cousin ABC had three brothers and one sister, she is the third child, but the first gal, her oldest brother is almost done with medical school, her immediate elder brother just finished law school, she is a middle school teacher, her immediate younger brother just graduated from college and is getting ready to go to medical school, so you can imagine my surprise when this guy who happens to be African American tells me he has been dating my cousin for seven month and her own mother does not even know about it, to say that I am shocked dis an understatement, I am not in any way prejudiced, am just surprised that she would be dating someone outside our community because she really did notuntil she was done talking and I said a silent prayer and asked her " what college did he go to?" she was quite for a while and then said he never graduated high school.  eh  isi gini? (what did you say) she repeats her self again. that was when I knew that she indeed dead. lol
I as a mother still do not know if I could ever allow any of my kids marry someone outside my race (Ibo) It is something I battle within myself everyday and I pray that when the time comes, I would maybe see things differently, what I just do not get is how a college graduate who is in the process of starting her masters would end up with a guy who did not go to college, but never graduated high school?  Her mother has already started planning her wedding, has the color for her friends aso ebi, and she is planning to take home a security officer that makes a minimum of $15/hr. I am not judging again am just stating what I believe is the obvious,
Thinking about her made me remember my uncle and how he was separated from his love for twelve years simply because her people were not allowed to marry people from my place, yet they have both somehow found themselves again and living happily ever after. His experience I can totally relate to and even get mad cause it was just because she grandfather was been a hard head, right? but my cousin ABC whose parent came to the united stated with just two luggage's and $10, worked two three jobs to make sure she and her brothers ave the best education and the best things of life, decided she would fall in love with a security guard makes me quetion if this is true love or just her destiny to marry a security officer.



  1. Can I be honest and say you have come across as quite judgemental? No offence intended. apologies, if I have

    I am a mother and I pray for my each of my kids to marry well - a God fearing woman who loves him with all her heart.

    I can honestly say that marriage is sooo much more than money, background etc. Today's security guard might be tomorrow's business owner. Similarly, today's doctor can be tomorrow's wife beater/ adulterer or child abuser.

    It is only God that knows our future or what lies in our hearts.

  2. @ Naijamum: No offence taken, I am totally open to other peoples opinion/criticism. Like I stated in my post "I as a mother still do not know if I could ever allow any of my kids marry someone outside my race (Ibo) It is something I battle within myself everyday and I pray that when the time comes, I would maybe see things differently" I honestly do not have anything against anyone who wishes to marry outside my race or works at walmart, my only problem with this situation was that the guy in question does not have any intentions of advancing more than just a security guard, like you said "Today's security guard might be tomorrow's business owner" that I totally agree with you 100% but like my mother always says "if you are with someone and they do not add anything better to what you had before you met them, be it emotionally, spiritually or materially (material not a must for me, but I will not be with you if I will be suffering more than I already am being alone) then you do not have to be with them. or what a girlfriend told me a couple of years ago " If you find yourself in a relationship where you aren't progressing, believe me its time to move on. You need somebody to bring the very best out of you: not just somebody that looks good beside you. I am trying everyday to be more open to situations like this, so if I came off as being judgemental am sorry. it was not my intention. cheers